the reason

Recently, my journey through related links and sites on the internet has lead me into territory I did not expect. Death. It’s strange how reading about people I did not know suddenly leaving this earth can have such a profound impact. It’s almost as if I suddenly realized, hey wait a second – this collection of blogs and words has real life behind it. I read a collection of blogs every day, just expecting them to be there. But what if tomorrow, one of them isn’t?

Also in my environment lately I have been surrounded by deaths – in April we had to put our dog down, and in the past week there has been a dead baby bird, and dead baby mouse in our driveway. These may seem insignificant, but I know that something is trying to tell me something. Combined with my recent internet experiences, I know there is a big message here for me. And yesterday, walking home from grocery shopping in the bright warm afternoon air, it was like I got hit by a bolt of lightning.

I have been having doubts about what I am doing. Nutrition – is it really helping anyone? Is it helping me? Sometimes I think, oh what’s the point. Many times I have been presented with the argument “well so and so was obsessed with their health and diet and exercise and they died of a heart attack at 45” or “so and so drank and smoked, never ate vegetables, sat on the couch all day and lived happily until they were 90.” Combine that with inconsistent results and difficulty getting people motivated and you have a recipe for insecurity and self-doubt. Especially after going on a 2 week holiday and not being as restrictive with your eating habits.

While walking, I thought of the bloggers I read about who had recently passed. I thought about their struggle, their bodies, their health, and I realized – I am 37, I have never been seriously ill, I have a comfortable life, and I can amble to the grocery store and back in the middle of the afternoon if I want. If I give up on nutrition, if I say that there truly is no point to following a healthy lifestyle which includes eating healthy, real, honest food and challenging my body, I am insulting the people I read about. What a horrid, disgusting, insulting waste, if I am willing to disrespect my body – what about the thousands of people who are in devastating conditions every day – what would they give to be in my place? How dare I believe that taking care of myself, and educating people how they can be more respectful of their bodies is anything but the most important thing in my life. I hope no one takes what I said the wrong way, because I mean it in the most humbling, honest way possible. I have no right to think that it is ok to disrespect a healthy, thriving body when there is one person out there who’s sole wish in life would be to be healthy. I am not trying to sound better than other people – I am trying to say that I feel put in my place. (as well, of course I am aware that there are other factors beside nutrition which cause disease, but the point is – we can control the nutrition part!)

I have a renewed sense of purpose. I feel like I finally truly understand what it is I am trying to convey and what I need to do to go forward. Also, I know the main reason why I have been presented with so many deaths to ponder recently, but I will leave that for a future post…

One thought on “the reason

  1. Woah Cordelia, this is major stuff you’re dealing with and processing. I’m sorry that the universe has sent such blatant symbols to you to show you how important your work is. I think all you gotta do is go to a Costco and see people filling up their carts with food that doesn’t feed them to know you have to help save their bodies. It amazes me how much people eat calories that do nothing for their bodies except make them bigger. Your work is so important!

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